Posts Tagged ‘No Homo’

 

"Oh My Wooorrrd!!"

"Oh My!!!"

 

A great portion of today’s urban music, some say, has crossed the line of tastefulness. I’m not talking about the booty-shakin’ in rap videos or the other, extra risque things that occur on the screen, but the content of the songs. Although the latter has been cause for concern, I’ll leave Superhead and the rest of the video hoe gang out of this post. 

To the critics of my generations choice of auditory entertainment, I say,  the music that  made you do “The Twist” and the “Mashed Potato” has a lot in common with modern music.  Although the vulgarity, and uncouthness is undoubtedly elevated the subject is pretty much the same. So chill out a little. Times have changed. Below I give some examples to back up my assertion.

Old School Jam…

Prince, “Do Me Baby”, 1982 – The title of this song is self explanitory. It blatantly implies the desire to engage in sexual relations with another party, and Prince lists the things he wants his lover to do to him.

Modern Day Match…

The Notorious B.I.G featuring R.Kelly, Fuckin’ You Tonight”, 1997 – Although Biggie stated lyrically that he was, “black and ugly as ever“, there is no doubt that he was a ladies man. R. Kelly, on the other hand, was a fan of a different kind of lady. A fresh out of the womb, golden shower appreciating lady, that is. 

Old School Jam…

Gwen Guthrie, “Ain’t Nothing Goin’ On But the Rent”, 1986 – A few lines from this song; “We’re only wasting time if your pockets aren’t deep”, “No romance without finance”, “I’m looking for a man whose got some money in his hand”. The Modern Day Match to this song sums up this cut in the title, as well as the hook…. Please see below.

Modern Day Match…

Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx, “Gold Digger”, 2005 – “I ain’t saying she a Gold Digger, but she ain’t messin’ with no broke niggas…” Enough said. 

Old School Jam…

Teddy Pendegrass, “Come Go With Me”, 1979 – This R&B joint finds Teddy luring a young lady out of a night club with his sweet mellow sound. At first she refuses, then says, “you said your car was right out front?…And you’re gonna bring me home after…? ”  After what? Would somebody fill me in, please?!?

Modern Day Match…

Jay-Z featuring Beanie Sigel & Amil, “Do it Again”, 1999 – Although this entire song isn’t spent setting up the one night stand, the hook shows that it’s much easier to get straight to the point. ” 12 am – on my way to the club, 1 am –  D.J. made it erupt, 2 am – now I’m gettin’ wit’ her, 3 am – now I’m splittin’ wit’ her….6 am – I be diggin’ her out, 6:15 I be kickin’ her out…” These days you don’t have to waste a whole 5 and a half minutes trying to get a girl back to your place Teddy, just a good 36 seconds of potent prose. 

Old School Jam…

The Four Tops, “Ain’t No Woman Like the One I Got”, 1973 – “Every day the sun comes up around her. She can make the birds sing harmony. Every drop of rain is glad it found her. Heaven must have made her just for me…”  is how this slow jam starts. It goes on to say, “I’d kiss the ground she walks on…” WOW. What a lady!!!!

Modern Day Match…

Notorious B.I.G., “Me and My Bitch”, 1993 – Biggie raps about his girl over this Hitmen track, and all the things she does for him, including packaging drugs and not snitching. Then, he too, like the Four Tops, states what he’d do for his love, but instead of kissing the ground she walks on, he decides to spread the love, and show his appreciation to a family member.  “…you look so good, huh, I suck on your daddy’s dick.” Whoa, Big Boy, WHOA. In response to that, a Modern Day Mantra applies……….NO HOMO!!!

 

PEACE…

Advertisements

There is a notion that a man must face in his everyday life when visiting any public restroom know as “Urinal Etiquette”.  The above picture is pretty self-explanatory, demonstrating the unspoken rule. For those of you who aren’t too sure as to the details of such rule, or can’t seem to figure out the blatant illustration, I will explain. When a man enters a public restroom, or any facility containing urinals, one must be courteous to the fellows already occupying a station of relief, and utilize every other urinal, leaving one in between each occupant. If you enter and all “useable” urinals are taken, then you are to use the toilet in the stall, or just wait it out. Every now and then, someone comes along and breaks the law of the land and violates the code. Today, as I was dropping my daily deuce, I witnessed what can be considered one of the most outlandish violations of the rule. There are only two urinals in the restroom at my place of employment, but plenty stalls. (No doubt, the result of a female bathroom designer. Figures!!!) Guy #1 came in and began to use one of the two. A few seconds later Guy #2 entered and started to relieve himself on the other urinal. That was his first mistake. Guy #2 finished before Guy #1 and as he stepped away from the urinal he said, “I beat ya.” and Guy #1 let out a short, fear filled, uncomfortable laugh. No, it was more like a whimper.  Sirens began to wail feverishly in my head. VIOLATION, VIOLATION, VIOLATION!!!!!! Too bad I hadn’t wiped my ass yet because Guy #1 and I would have had to beat the shit out of the inconsiderate rule breaker that is Guy #2.  Even I felt violated, and knew that Guy #1 wanted to run to a corner and slide down the wall into the fetal position as he sobbed, helplessly.  The reasoning behind the rule is pretty obvious. With the double standards that exist considering sexuality, and the “No Homo” society we live in, the rule has it’s place.  (More on the “No Homo” society in a later post.) So, all you men out there, PLEASE school your sons, nephews, cousins, and younger brothers on the rule, so we can prevent anyone from slipping through the cracks, or should I say, in between the “useable” urinals.