Posts Tagged ‘highway’


"Driveway Rage"


During the hour that I spend in my car everyday going to a from work, and when I’m just behind the wheel aimlessly wasting my pricey, constantly rising gas, I see a lot of things. Things that are either out of the ordinary, things that activate my road rage and/or things that are humorous to me. Below, in no particular order, I have listed a few of these things. Please feel free to agree, disagree, and/or add to the list of “Road Realizations” in the comments section. 

Here we go…

1. It is absolutely pointless for you, air-headed driver in front of me, to wait until you are starting your turn to put your damn blinker on. You might as well leave it off, IDIOT. Please, spare me. And my brakes…

2. Mind your own damn business!!! I know everybody wants to see the mangled cars on the other side of the median, but I have some place to be. Sometimes…

3. Picture this…You’re driving down the highway and in the distance, you see a cop who has pulled someone over on the shoulder. As your eyes focus back on the road in front of you, break lights come alive, several of the drivers in front of you revealing their asshole-ness. Now, to all you A-holes, answer me this… Do you really think that police officer is going to stop giving that person a ticket to come track you down? Come on. I mean, Really!?!?!?!

4. Old people should be required take tests that assess (that’s not asses, for the slow people) if they are able to keep up with the speed limit. Their height should also be measured sporadically so when their osteoporosis is at it’s worst, their license can be revoked. Have you ever driven past a barely moving car and didn’t see anyone behind the wheel? Don’t fret, someone is driving the car. It’s an old person whose bones have degenerated causing them to shrink into obscurity. 

5. Personalized license plates are more outdated than the horse and buggy…That’s it. –UR LAME–

6. Gas prices suck. They suck even harder as the summer approaches and arrives, and at their highest level of suck-tivity, I often consider storing used chicken grease and using that to power my car. 

Have any Road Realizations of your own? Post them in the comments below. Thanks.



Before I start, I’ll just say that the title of this entry is a play on words with the previously ever so popular, “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake. You get it now? Well, anyway, now for the story. As I drove down the highway, foot firmly planted on the gas, I was pleasantly caught off guard by a truck that I rapidly approached.  Big red letters lie beneath a very Pillsbury Doughboy – esque bear reading BIMBO. My eyes widened and my tummy started to tingle as raunchy thoughts ran through my head. “WTF are they delivering” was my first thought. Sometimes when I come across such golden opportunities, I won’t pass up the chance to whip out my cell phone and ‘Carpe the Momentum’, it doesn’t even matter if I’m speeding along a busy highway at around 60 miles an hour at the height of rush hour. To get a priceless shot like this one, I don’t at all mind risking life and limb. I changed lanes as my exit got closer and was shocked even more when I saw the bootleg Doughboy tightly hugging a loaf of bread with an inscription on the top of the truck in some other language. My perverted, usually wandering mind thought of a slogan right away. “BIMBOS. Squeeze  us first, Eat us later.”  Nobody wants to eat hard bread, right? I then thought about how Bimbo, Slut and Whore were all interchangeable terms circa the late 80’s, early 90’s. Does anybody still use this word? I’m officially starting a movement to bring back the word BIMBO. First, I think I’ll test the word’s potency, maybe tomorrow when I go to WalMart. Here’s what I’ll do, I’m gonna mouth the formerly popular offensive term just loud enough so the female passers-by can hear me as I walk through the crowded store and see what kind of reactions I get. I will post the results at a later date.  Anyway take a look at the evidence below.  And Oh Yeah, “I don’t love them BIMBOS”….. Doesn’t work, does it? Sorry. I tried, though.