Archive for December, 2008

Before I start, I’ll just say that the title of this entry is a play on words with the previously ever so popular, “Sexy Back” by Justin Timberlake. You get it now? Well, anyway, now for the story. As I drove down the highway, foot firmly planted on the gas, I was pleasantly caught off guard by a truck that I rapidly approached.  Big red letters lie beneath a very Pillsbury Doughboy – esque bear reading BIMBO. My eyes widened and my tummy started to tingle as raunchy thoughts ran through my head. “WTF are they delivering” was my first thought. Sometimes when I come across such golden opportunities, I won’t pass up the chance to whip out my cell phone and ‘Carpe the Momentum’, it doesn’t even matter if I’m speeding along a busy highway at around 60 miles an hour at the height of rush hour. To get a priceless shot like this one, I don’t at all mind risking life and limb. I changed lanes as my exit got closer and was shocked even more when I saw the bootleg Doughboy tightly hugging a loaf of bread with an inscription on the top of the truck in some other language. My perverted, usually wandering mind thought of a slogan right away. “BIMBOS. Squeeze  us first, Eat us later.”  Nobody wants to eat hard bread, right? I then thought about how Bimbo, Slut and Whore were all interchangeable terms circa the late 80’s, early 90’s. Does anybody still use this word? I’m officially starting a movement to bring back the word BIMBO. First, I think I’ll test the word’s potency, maybe tomorrow when I go to WalMart. Here’s what I’ll do, I’m gonna mouth the formerly popular offensive term just loud enough so the female passers-by can hear me as I walk through the crowded store and see what kind of reactions I get. I will post the results at a later date.  Anyway take a look at the evidence below.  And Oh Yeah, “I don’t love them BIMBOS”….. Doesn’t work, does it? Sorry. I tried, though.

 

A BIMBO'S REAR END!!!!!

A BIMBO'S REAR END!!!!!

 

"SQUEEZE FIRST, EAT LATER"

"SQUEEZE US FIRST, EAT US LATER"

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I HATE FUR COATS!!! They are such a gross display of arrogance. In a vast majority of the cases I’ve seen, the narcissistic wearer voicelessly screams, “Eh Em. May I have everyone’s attention, please? Over here!!! Excuse me, you’re not looking. Yeah you. Thanks…” I went out for my birthday a couple weekends ago and was having a good ole’ time, as I modestly two stepped to the blaring music, holding my Vodka and pineapple juice in my hand, and in walked two guys, both wearing fur coats. One had on a white one and the other a black one, both sported shades in the barely lit club/lounge, nonetheless. Immediately I gasped, completely star struck at the sight of the The Dalmations of Hip-Hop, Rin and Tin. You know, from the movie Brown Sugar. Anyway, I was forced to firmly grasp the railing that stood in close proximity to me, with both hands, so I wouldn’t do anything too groopie-ish as they passed me. They got closer, my grip began to slip due to the nervous sweat my palms produced. Closer. CLOSER. Then my celebrity spotting high diminished as I realized that it wasn’t them. MUTHER@#$%^*!!! GOT DAMNIT!!! I released my white knuckle grip and composed myself, assuring that no one saw my somewhat uncontrollable, often embarrassing, reaction to celebritIes.  As the blood returned to my knuckles, the two cornballs walked past me and the white fur wearer had on a beige knit skull cap. Wow, what an innovative technique, combining the ‘nostrils to the sky’ ambiance of the mink with the slightly hood feel of the scully.  NICE!!! Stumbling through the crowd, barely able to see out of their “Stunner Shades” they passed me by. At that moment I had P.E.T.A’s number up on my cell phone, ready to press SEND and yell into m phone, “Bust out the red paint”, but something caught my eye on the floor of the club. White Mink Man’s coat was shedding, leaving a trail of curly faux fur wherever he walked.  I was shocked with pleasure at the site of this attention seekers failed attempt at “Ballers Status”. Okay, it really wasn’t shedding, but that did make the story better. Anyway, I’ll leave you guys with these flicks…… 

 

 

DAMN FOOL!!!!!!                      

R.I.P PINKY....

R.I.P PINKY....