There is a notion that a man must face in his everyday life when visiting any public restroom know as “Urinal Etiquette”.  The above picture is pretty self-explanatory, demonstrating the unspoken rule. For those of you who aren’t too sure as to the details of such rule, or can’t seem to figure out the blatant illustration, I will explain. When a man enters a public restroom, or any facility containing urinals, one must be courteous to the fellows already occupying a station of relief, and utilize every other urinal, leaving one in between each occupant. If you enter and all “useable” urinals are taken, then you are to use the toilet in the stall, or just wait it out. Every now and then, someone comes along and breaks the law of the land and violates the code. Today, as I was dropping my daily deuce, I witnessed what can be considered one of the most outlandish violations of the rule. There are only two urinals in the restroom at my place of employment, but plenty stalls. (No doubt, the result of a female bathroom designer. Figures!!!) Guy #1 came in and began to use one of the two. A few seconds later Guy #2 entered and started to relieve himself on the other urinal. That was his first mistake. Guy #2 finished before Guy #1 and as he stepped away from the urinal he said, “I beat ya.” and Guy #1 let out a short, fear filled, uncomfortable laugh. No, it was more like a whimper.  Sirens began to wail feverishly in my head. VIOLATION, VIOLATION, VIOLATION!!!!!! Too bad I hadn’t wiped my ass yet because Guy #1 and I would have had to beat the shit out of the inconsiderate rule breaker that is Guy #2.  Even I felt violated, and knew that Guy #1 wanted to run to a corner and slide down the wall into the fetal position as he sobbed, helplessly.  The reasoning behind the rule is pretty obvious. With the double standards that exist considering sexuality, and the “No Homo” society we live in, the rule has it’s place.  (More on the “No Homo” society in a later post.) So, all you men out there, PLEASE school your sons, nephews, cousins, and younger brothers on the rule, so we can prevent anyone from slipping through the cracks, or should I say, in between the “useable” urinals.


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