The fate of us all thrust upon a new addition to the life I call my own.

The sound of abounding silence between phone lines after being alerted.

What words heal? What actions mend? None and none.

Time, the healer, albeit prolonged. Can I gather every watch and clock for presentation now,

at this moment, to immediately close the deep, deep gash caused by this dreadful reality? No.

Pain……..Certain.

Life………Fleeting.

Isn't it brilliant?!?

While greedily swallowing my lunch today at work, one of my midday meal buddies brought to my attention a recent controversy that had made the news. My stomach continued to audibly profess its desire for fulfillment, but I was able to wrestle my attention away from the plastic container of spaghetti in front of me, and listen. She told me that a mural had been painted in Times Square and was garnering quite a bit of backlash for the artist. After I finished my lunch, I went back to my desk and battled through my seemingly endless workload, then put in a few hours of over time just for the hell of it. Ahhh ha ha ha!! You didn’t believe that, did you? Come on!!! I did what any normal person would do. I Googled it as soon as I got back to my desk. Anyway, I saw the mural, realized why people could be offended by it, and watched a few videos of pedestrians complaining about it and/or praising the work. The artwork was done by Sofia Maldonado, a 26 year old Latina artist. For those of you that haven’t seen it, here is part of it…….

Now, Art is all about perception. Some people who disapproved of the mural argued that ‘Black and Latino women shouldn’t be portrayed as prostitutes and hoochies’. To that I say, because a woman wears a short skirt, does that mean she’s a prostitute? Big hoop earrings and knee-high boots make her a woman of the night?  Does a low cleavage line on a shirt mean that she’s accepting payment for pleasure? When I looked at the smaller aspects of the mural, like the four finger ring, the multi-colored hair and the big earrings as well as the long painted nails I realized that they are all a throwback to the past. All of these items were once trends in the urban community. That was my perception of it. Now, don’t get me wrong, the boobs busting out, and women bent over are a little risque, but this is a part of the artists style. I did a little searching and found past works by Sofia that were done in much “lower traffic areas” where women were painted pink, blue and even green. Some had shirts revealing cleavage, some weren’t even clothed. I’m not excusing the fact that they are “scantily clad” or not clad at all, but just saying that if they were painted a different color, in a different area, this wouldn’t be an issue. Being that they are in one of the busiest places on the planet they gain a lot more exposure.  Therefore, a lot more criticism.

To reiterate, art is about perception, as evidenced by the mixed reviews given by the public. When I saw the piece I didn’t see “hoochies” or “prostitues”, I saw an artists expression of her world, I saw talent in the form paint brushes dipped in creativity, and spread across a canvas of fearlessness. Nobody knows what the artist was thinking when she did the piece. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t out to portray Black and Latino women in a negative light. What do you think? Is this art degrading to women? Is it even art at all? Are people too sensitive? Comments are welcome…

PEACE.

"Mmmmm, mmmm, good."

I pride myself on being an individual as I go through life, foregoing trends, dodging the “norm”, and I try to avoid being what society says I am, or should be. My personal style, the way I speak, and even some of the music I listen to are all atypical of the demographic I fall into. This fact has been the reason for the position I took on a heated debate that was popular in the hip hop culture a few years back. It seemed to me that everybody and their mothers were busy stiff-arming, throwing elbows and gouging eyes out to get a spot on the ever so crowded Jay-Z bandwagon. Me, not so much. I was pumping my fist hard for my boy Esco. From Illmatic, to Nastradamus, to Untitled, I was on my own wagon with elbow room for days. Then the beef started. “Takeover” and “Ether” were the most popular dis tracks in the aforementioned feud between Nas and Jay-Z back in the ealry parts of the decade, and although only one verse in “Takeover” was directed at Nas, it was undoubtedly impressive. Hov bringing to the light Nas’s subpar releases since Illmatic put him on the map, as well as pointing out Mr. Jones’s attempt at intellectual rhymes. On “Ether”, Nas retorted, putting on blast the fact that S. Carter made a habit of using Biggie’s lines and also recycled an album name that had previously been pressed up. He also turned the tables on Jay-Z’s disdain for Queens rappers evidencing that Rockafella Records is run by a Queens native in the form of one Russell Simmons. There is no doubt in my mind that Ether decided the fate of Jay-Z in this epic hip-hop, heavyweight battle, giving the unanimous decision to the “QB true G”.

Throughout the entire beef and even through the “best rapper alive” debates, I stuck with my favorite, Nas. I never relented and always had a reason why I think Mr. Jones was “the best”, as evidenced in this previous post. Now, I don’t take back anything I said about Nas, and the assertions I put forth will always stand, but I must enjoy this big plate of crow sitting in front of me and state that Jay-Z is, indeed, the……..dare I say it?  The Best Rapper Alive!!! I came to this realization this morning as I listened to the Black Album while cleaning my place up. Every single track had me nodding my head and “rapping” along with the lyrics, as weird as that may sound. At one point, I had to stop and say, “Daaammmnnnn, that boy good.” I can now honestly admit that none of Jay’s albums were disappointments. My all-time favorite of course was the first, Reasonable Doubt. 22 Two’s is probably one of the most creative songs I’ve ever heard. Brooklyn’s Finest definitely stands up to the name of the track with the greatest and the third greatest rapper from the East Coast displaying their skills on wax. Nas still holds the spot as my favorite rapper of all-time, but he now comes in an extremely close second on my “Best Rapper Alive list.”

PEACE….

The Movie should have ben called, "The Do's and Don'ts of Weaves & Fake Hair....and that Hair Show in Atlanta too.

This weekend I chose to spend my Saturday evening in the movie theater, giving up my $10.50 to see Chris Rock’s latest piece of work, Good Hair.  Now, in promoting the documentary over several media outlets, Mr. Rock claimed that his daughter was the inspiration for the film, giving an anecdote that went something like this…. He was driving his daughter, Lola, and her white classmate home from school and  Lola asked him, “How come I don’t have good hair like her?”

From his explanation, I expected the movie to delve into the debate of “Good Hair” versus “Bad Hair”, or  try to figure out whether either really exists, mixed with a fair amount of the Chris Rock comedy we’ve all come to know. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. Out of the entire hour and thirty-five minute movie, I’ll be generous and say that a total of about 5 minutes of the movie pertained to the former and most of the rest of the film was humorous and a bit condescending. There wasn’t a single five minute block of hard core discussion on the good hair vs. bad hair debate, but bits and pieces that very briefly covered the subject were sprinkled throughout the movie. Here’s a short list; there was a group of young black females, of different hair types, who talked about what they thought about natural hair. One girl said, “Natural hair and a suit don’t match.” There was a woman who suffered from Alopecia, a condition that causes one to loose all the hair on their body, similar to the effects of chemotherapy, who spoke about refusing to wear a wig, because she would feel like she was hiding something. There was also a quick sound bite that was spoken. “I am not my hair”. This line was the title of an India.Arie song back in 2006, which sparked conversation when it came out. By the way, WTF (the previous “W” stands for WHERE, in this case, not WHAT. Go back and insert it.) was India.Arie? Alright, maybe it would have been a little cliche, but with songs like “I am not my hair” and “Video” I think she could have done a little to help settle the uncertain mind of little Lola Rock, not to mention the countless amount of other young black girls with the same query. 

While watching the movie I was a baffled at times when it got a little condescending. While in one woman’s salon Chris spoke to the owner about the price of weaves and wigs and she revealed that one wig could cost over $3000. In another part of the film Chris spoke to a man who bought hair directly from India and sold it to vendors. This prissy mofo, with shoulder length, straightened hair, had the nerve to laugh as he said, “they won’t pay their rent to get some of this hair.” A large part of the movie also covered the $9 Billion Black Hair Industry, and it seemed to me that Chris Rock was pointing out the frivolous spending of black Americans, while sitting on his high horse with his nose pointed to the sky. 

I felt the movie went on a tangent and spent a lot of time out in left field as it followed four contestants in a hair show that was held in Atlanta. It focused on what kind of boots one of the flamboyant participants was going to wear to the show, the notion that a white man was actually good at styling black women’s’ hair, and an older, borderline psychotic, contestants underwater/bar skit. WTF does all of this have to do with “Good Hair”? 

Also, most of the star power in the movie were women with weaves, or women who wore wigs, who didn’t really talk in depth about Good Hair vs. Bad Hair. What they did talk about was how much they paid for their hair, how particular they are with what kind of hair they will wear, and how their husband/boyfriend was not allowed to touch their hair, at all. There were a few women with natural hairstyles in the movie, but I think they could have been represented more and a whole lot better, because they do exist. 

The name of a movie means a lot. The way this movie was promoted combined with the name led a lot of people to believe that it would be something different. I think Chris Rock could have done a lot more with what he had, and could have afforded to leave a lot of what made it to the big screen, out. With his daughter’s common inquiry, a 3 year old in the movie saying that “you’re supposed to get a perm…” , and another black girl inferring that natural hairstyles and success don’t match, he could have went in a totally different, more positive and socially conscious direction. But, in the end, positive, socially conscious, movies haven’t been known to be hits at the box office, or at the bank.

PEACE

Just finished watching a story on CNN where a group of Black kids, in Philadelphia were refused entrance to a predominantly White swim club. The story goes as such….. Creative Steps Day Camp was on their way to The Valley Club to enjoy a day of aquatic fun. Before their first visit to the club, the Camp satisfied a $1900 bill in order for the kids to enjoy the pool for the summer. Once they arrived, they were turned away. CNN interviewed a camper from the Creative Steps Day Camp as he tried and failed to hold back tears. The innocent child, no older than 8 or 9 years old, said he overheard a white woman say, “What are all these Black kids doing here…I’m afraid they might do something to my kids”. As the tears ran down his face, and his initial anecdote came to a close, he said, “I thought those days were over.” This statement is what inspired me to put this post together. Although the American society’s racial tolerance has improved leaps and bounds since the eradication of slavery, the fact remains that racism is very much, still a factor. 

Now, I’m not writing this to bitch and moan about racism in this country, or to gain some sort of sympathy for the plight of Black Americans.  The point of this regurgitation of feelings/thoughts is to lay down some reality. Although a child, the young boy’s naivete rubbed me the wrong way. Granted, I fully understand that children are oblivious to most of the problems faced by countless people in this country, but I think parents should give their kids a dose of reality at some point in their childhood. I think it is important for parents to sit children down and share with them their insight on the world we live in. Like telling them to wait until marriage to have sex, or not to smoke weed, and drink stay away from alcohol.  Well, those don’t usually work out too well, but, you get my drift. Kids should know that they might encounter things like racism, and that not everyone is accepting of others. They should also know that not everybody thinks like them, not everyone follows the same religion, and not everyone lives the same life as they do, among other things. If you send your children out into the world with a tool box full of the right tools, they will be able to screw, hammer and saw their way through this construction site we call life. I know that analogy was probably the worst you’ve ever heard, and you are now ridiculing me with all of your being, but I thought I’d add some levity to the post. You get my drift anyway…..

PEACE…

"NEVERHM"

– Although this person may spend a lot of his time away from home, the owner is obviously a man who lives his life as a woman, and wants everyone to know just how much he enjoys cross-dressing. Hence the meaning of the inscription, “Never him”.

"JEAN C"

–A fan of “Cheers” are we? Unfortunately though, everybody doesn’t want to know your name, Jean C. Maybe this person should hook up with “NEVERHM” for some sexually ambiguous fun. Well, what do you expect? Jean is one of those names. 

"MIGUE 1"

– Here is an example of the Spanish Speaking sector of the population trying to force their language on us Americans, once again. First, the Secaucus Wal-Mart refuses to hire workers who speak English, now this. Let’s take back America people.

"KITTY 18"

– For her 18th birthday, Kitty got a car. Now at age 42, every time she looks at her plate, she thinks back to the days when her “Kitty” (wink, wink) held up better to constant traffic, and was able to grip things better. (wink, wink) Like the road. 

Now, for some that, unfortunately, I couldn’t snap a flick for…..

“COWGRRRRL” –  this plate reveals the drivers’ favorite sexual position, the Cow Girl. It also lets on that, when in that position, she growls like a big hungry bear. 

“WONBY3” – Didn’t understand this one until I saw the NY Giants logo to the left of the inscription.  In Super Bowl 42, the New York Giants, “WON BY 3″. Or, you could say the New England Patriots got, “BEATEN BY 3″. Well, so did Plaxico Burress’ wife, within a few months of the victory.  As multiple restraining orders were filed by her against him with the local police station.

“10  SIS”  - This guy, driving a white van with the windows blacked out, A Chester Van, is obviously angry with his mother. If I had ten sisters, I too, would let the world know how much of a whore my mother was. Don’t know who Chester is? Click here to find out….

PEACE…..

Sometimes, it's warranted...

Nowadays, in my adult, somewhat mature, questionably responsible life, I look at what some kids do for entertainment. This, inevitably, releases the flood gates to the river of judgement. The ridicule flows, uninterrupted and my mind runs rampant with inquiries; What the hell is going on in their brain? Why would he do that? Is she crazy? Then the fairy of self realization appears on my shoulder and reminds me of the asinine things I used to do as a kid. This speaks to the whole, “Old people did it too…” post from a couple weeks back.  Check it out for more hypocrisies imposed on the “age challenged”. After grasping the fact that some of the things I did as a youth were much worse, I retract my previous conjecture and reserve my judgement for other things. Below I list a few of the crazy, uninformed, yet fun, things that brought entertainment to my life as a youngster. Disclaimer: I do not suggest that anyone, children or adults, perform the following indiscretions, as some may lead to jail time and/or serious injury. Having said that, I must add that all of the following can be very entertaining as well as “gut-bustingly” fulfilling. 

Whenever my cousins, siblings and I got together, in the absence of parents, I’d say 90% of the time, we were up to no good. One of our favorite pastimes was the Prank Call. We’d call restaurants that delivered and order, or not order, a few things. A call would go like this…

Restaurant Order Taker : “What would you like?”

Bored Kid(s): “Can I get a ____ , and a small ____ .  Wow, those ____ sound good too, give me two of them.”

Restaurant Order Taker : “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

Bored Kid(s): “Oh, that’s alright. I like to order the ____ , with extra sauce, and the ____ . As well as two of those ____ , too. You know what scratch the ____ and just give me the large _____.”

Now, the blanks aren’t present for you to add what you’d like to order, but were the “punch line” of the prank. We spoke regularly throughout the calls but said nothing in the places where the blanks are, so it seemed as if our phones were breaking up.  This would go on until the order taker realized that all we really wanted was to ______ them. <~~~ There, you can add what you like…

One of my cousins and I did some really dumb stuff together. Now, I was never a trouble making kid, when all by my lonesome, but when I got with this one cousin we both were borderline crazy. In front of my house, as well as the neighboring home, there were a lot of big shrubs and bushes. Big enough for us to hide behind, totally out of sight of passing cars, and throw rocks at the moving vehicles. Hooray for big bushes. No innuendo. To us this was really entertaining, and we never thought we’d get caught, until the impossible happened. One of the drivers got out of his car and investigated where the rocks came from. After a few minutes, he got back into his car and sped off angrily. Extremely afraid, we ran into the house, changed our underwear then assumed the fetal position in a corner and began shaking uncontrollably. 

Another fun/dangerous/life threatening/sadistic activity my cousin and I engaged in was lighting cherry bombs and throwing them out of his 7th floor window. They’d land on a sidewalk full of unsuspecting loiterers as well as passersby and their reactions were priceless. This “game” found it’s end when my cousin failed to raise the screen quick enough, after lighting the firecracker. A bloody hand and two nervously, mischievous kids resulted from this activity.

Alright, that’s all I’m going to reveal. The forum is now open for submissions. What kind of crazy things did you do as a kid? Do they top any of the things on my list? Probably not, but I wasn’t a normal kid, nor am I a normal adult….Shadenfreude !!!! WTF You Say?  <~~~~~~

PEACE…

"Driveway Rage"

During the hour that I spend in my car everyday going to a from work, and when I’m just behind the wheel aimlessly wasting my pricey, constantly rising gas, I see a lot of things. Things that are either out of the ordinary, things that activate my road rage and/or things that are humorous to me. Below, in no particular order, I have listed a few of these things. Please feel free to agree, disagree, and/or add to the list of “Road Realizations” in the comments section. 

Here we go…

1. It is absolutely pointless for you, air-headed driver in front of me, to wait until you are starting your turn to put your damn blinker on. You might as well leave it off, IDIOT. Please, spare me. And my brakes…

2. Mind your own damn business!!! I know everybody wants to see the mangled cars on the other side of the median, but I have some place to be. Sometimes…

3. Picture this…You’re driving down the highway and in the distance, you see a cop who has pulled someone over on the shoulder. As your eyes focus back on the road in front of you, break lights come alive, several of the drivers in front of you revealing their asshole-ness. Now, to all you A-holes, answer me this… Do you really think that police officer is going to stop giving that person a ticket to come track you down? Come on. I mean, Really!?!?!?!

4. Old people should be required take tests that assess (that’s not asses, for the slow people) if they are able to keep up with the speed limit. Their height should also be measured sporadically so when their osteoporosis is at it’s worst, their license can be revoked. Have you ever driven past a barely moving car and didn’t see anyone behind the wheel? Don’t fret, someone is driving the car. It’s an old person whose bones have degenerated causing them to shrink into obscurity. 

5. Personalized license plates are more outdated than the horse and buggy…That’s it. –UR LAME–

6. Gas prices suck. They suck even harder as the summer approaches and arrives, and at their highest level of suck-tivity, I often consider storing used chicken grease and using that to power my car. 

Have any Road Realizations of your own? Post them in the comments below. Thanks.

PEACE…

Kanye's Upcoming Album Cover

Heard a song on the radio the other day called Ego by Beyonce featuring the talented, genius, unmatched on any level….wait for it, waaaiiit for it, Kanye West. WHAT??? NO!?!?!?!? I was just as shocked as you are. Finally, a self titled song from the big headed “teddy bear”. At the beginning of the song, Mr. West croons a little, fessing up in a mellow, modest vocie. “I got a big ego, such a big ego…”  At this point, I’m thinking, “We’ve done it!!!” Combining the recent own-ation the geniuses over at South Park put on Kanye with their “Fishsticks” episode, and my world renowned post about The Dropout’s ego, ~~~> Click Here to read <~~~ he has come to his senses and is now ready to admit defeat. But no. Soon after the meager start, he goes in. Talking about how he has a big….. and how “she” loves his big…..and strokes his big, eh, eh em…..ego.  ”Everything I throw up, Blow up” , “Flow just the nicest” are a few of the lines that Kanye’s helium surrounded brain allows him to release from his lips. Beyonce joins in with the innuendo during the hook, “It’s too big, it’s too wide, it’s too strong, it won’t fit, it’s too much, it’s too tough.” Now, I don’t really understand the sexual innuendo and it’s relation to the song. I know, I know, ego’s can be big, and strong but other than that I don’t get it. Oh, wait. It just came to me. When I see Beyonce gyrating, vibrating, and conjugating in those videos, the music becomes a non factor and all I think is SEX, SEX, SEX. That’s it. Sex is better than music so when the two combine, the less stimulating takes it’s place in the non-existent part of my brain.  Thanks Beyonce. 

Anywho, this song was a remix to Beyonce’s original track with the same name. Who better than the self proclaimed, “voice of a generation, the fuckin’ end all and be all to music” to give the world what it so desperately needs. Not even Kanye could create a better fit for this song. I vow to all my readers that from this point out, I am on a quest to deflate the hot air balloon that is Kanye. I shall dedicate my existence to doing so. This has now become my reason for living. Call it hate if you like, I’ll call it …… Whatever…….Stop judging me DAMNIT!!!

PEACE….

"Oh My!!!"

A great portion of today’s urban music, some say, has crossed the line of tastefulness. I’m not talking about the booty-shakin’ in rap videos or the other, extra risque things that occur on the screen, but the content of the songs. Although the latter has been cause for concern, I’ll leave Superhead and the rest of the video hoe gang out of this post. 

To the critics of my generations choice of auditory entertainment, I say,  the music that  made you do “The Twist” and the “Mashed Potato” has a lot in common with modern music.  Although the vulgarity, and uncouthness is undoubtedly elevated the subject is pretty much the same. So chill out a little. Times have changed. Below I give some examples to back up my assertion.

Old School Jam…

Prince, “Do Me Baby”, 1982 – The title of this song is self explanitory. It blatantly implies the desire to engage in sexual relations with another party, and Prince lists the things he wants his lover to do to him.

Modern Day Match…

The Notorious B.I.G featuring R.Kelly, “Fuckin’ You Tonight”, 1997 – Although Biggie stated lyrically that he was, “black and ugly as ever“, there is no doubt that he was a ladies man. R. Kelly, on the other hand, was a fan of a different kind of lady. A fresh out of the womb, golden shower appreciating lady, that is. 

Old School Jam…

Gwen Guthrie, “Ain’t Nothing Goin’ On But the Rent”, 1986 - A few lines from this song; ”We’re only wasting time if your pockets aren’t deep”, “No romance without finance”, “I’m looking for a man whose got some money in his hand”. The Modern Day Match to this song sums up this cut in the title, as well as the hook…. Please see below.

Modern Day Match…

Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx, “Gold Digger”, 2005 – “I ain’t saying she a Gold Digger, but she ain’t messin’ with no broke niggas…” Enough said. 

Old School Jam…

Teddy Pendegrass, “Come Go With Me”, 1979 – This R&B joint finds Teddy luring a young lady out of a night club with his sweet mellow sound. At first she refuses, then says, “you said your car was right out front?…And you’re gonna bring me home after…? ”  After what? Would somebody fill me in, please?!?

Modern Day Match…

Jay-Z featuring Beanie Sigel & Amil, “Do it Again”, 1999 – Although this entire song isn’t spent setting up the one night stand, the hook shows that it’s much easier to get straight to the point. ” 12 am – on my way to the club, 1 am –  D.J. made it erupt, 2 am – now I’m gettin’ wit’ her, 3 am – now I’m splittin’ wit’ her….6 am – I be diggin’ her out, 6:15 I be kickin’ her out…” These days you don’t have to waste a whole 5 and a half minutes trying to get a girl back to your place Teddy, just a good 36 seconds of potent prose. 

Old School Jam…

The Four Tops, “Ain’t No Woman Like the One I Got”, 1973 – “Every day the sun comes up around her. She can make the birds sing harmony. Every drop of rain is glad it found her. Heaven must have made her just for me…”  is how this slow jam starts. It goes on to say, “I’d kiss the ground she walks on…” WOW. What a lady!!!!

Modern Day Match…

Notorious B.I.G., “Me and My Bitch”, 1993 – Biggie raps about his girl over this Hitmen track, and all the things she does for him, including packaging drugs and not snitching. Then, he too, like the Four Tops, states what he’d do for his love, but instead of kissing the ground she walks on, he decides to spread the love, and show his appreciation to a family member.  ”…you look so good, huh, I suck on your daddy’s dick.” Whoa, Big Boy, WHOA. In response to that, a Modern Day Mantra applies……….NO HOMO!!!

PEACE…

I was sent a link to an article on theFreshXpress.com bearing the title, Tyler Perry is destroying Black America,  (<~~~~~ check it out) and after reading and agreeing with the content of the piece, I began tapping away at the keyboard, entering my comment at the bottom of the page. I wrote about a paragraph, then, EUREKA!!! Why not use my own space to regurgitate my disdain for the writer/director/producer/actor/seeker/destroyer, that is Tyler Perry…pardon my transgressions. The writer basically stated that Tyler Perry’s plays, movies, and television shows “are walking, talking, dancing, jigging stereotypes“.  A truer statement has never been spoken.

 I myself have never been a fist pumping Tyler Perry fan, but have enjoyed an occasional laugh at the mockery that is Madea. Tyler Perry got his start writing and directing plays on the formerly known, Chitlin’ Circuit, which is “a string of performance venues throughout the eastern and southern United States that were safe and acceptable for African American musicians, comedians, and other entertainers to perform at during the age of racial segregation in the United States ” which is where a huge part of his fan base came in. The thing about his material, and why a lot of black people are drawn to it, is it’s relatable nature. They see themselves on the stage, or someone they know, they see a situation they went through before, or are currently battling through, and are drawn into a world that they know so well. Beyond the relatability of the plays, TV shows and films, they fail to see that they are all further perpetuations of the stereotypes we have been fighting to overcome. 

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great that he is the face of the first African American-owned studio in “Hollywood”,(even though it’s in Atlanta, Georgia)  and he produces, writes, and directs movies as well as television shows, but at what expense? We are ready to jump up and fight a non-black when they mention fried chicken and black people in the same sentence, but we sit and laugh at Madea, the modern day Mammy. 

Having mentioned the fact that Tyler is the owner of a his own studio, that gives him absolute control of what comes out of there. Now, what gets into the theaters is a different story. Movies like The Diary of a Mad Black Woman, Madea’s Family Reunion, Why did I Get Married, etc. are funded and released without the blink of an eye. But more thought provoking, “controversial”, as some would call them, films like; When the Levees Broke, and Miracle at St. Anna, had to be funded by Spike Lee, and distributers outside of the country.

Perry’s style of producing shows and movies has been proven to be one of the most cost and time effective in “Hollywood”, but, if he put just a little more effort and money into his projects, the result would be a better product. I know, I know, the name of the game in “Hollywood” is make the movie for the cheapest amount possible so the profit will be maximized, but come on Tyler. The writing in most of your productions is elementary, and predictable and the characters are not at all believable, which I think is he result of the poor writing, mixed in with the lack of skill from the talent. Tyler should focus more on being the head of a studio, rather than writing and acting in all his projects. Just put your name on it as you have in the past and we’ll know it’s yours. Spare us from Madea, please, and just because someone was on a classic African American 80′s TV show when she was five, doesn’t mean that she has any talent nowadays.

PEACE…

Maturity is so overrated....

For those of you who don’t know about the recent controversy between Dallas Maverick owner, Mark Cuban and Denver Nuggets power forward, Kenyon Martin, it goes a little something like this… The NBA playoffs are currently taking place, and the Mavericks have been getting owned, loosing the first two games by an average of 13 points to a extremely physical Denver team. When they lost game 3 on a controversial non-call, and a last second shot by Carmelo Anthony, Cuban’s blood pressure shot up like gas prices of last summer. It’s reported that Cuban heard Dallas fans calling the Nuggets “thugs” and he said to Kenyon’s mother, “That includes your son.” Good Ole’ Mark, spewing out bitter contempt to an innocent woman on the most special day for moms within the year. Yes, it was on Mother’s Day. No one is spared from the wrath of “The Cuban”. For Grandparents Day, I heard he plans to kidnap Carmelo’s grandfather and force him to watch episodes of Dancing With the Stars where the stiff, rhythmless Cuban twinkle-toed his way into homosexuality.

Cuban offered an apology to Kenyon and his mother and posted this on his blog…

— ”When the series comes back to Dallas, your family, and the family of other Nuggets players are welcome to stay in my suite, with my family. Its amazing how tempers mellow when real people talk to each other and realize that its still just a game. If that isn’t acceptable, I’m happy to provide a suite, free of charge to them as well and place whatever security is needed to make them feel comfortable.”

Bad idea Cuban. You are inviting the families of the biggest “thugs” in professional sports into a suite with your family? What a protector Mark is, while he’s sitting court-side, spitting obscenities and flailing uncontrollably at the officials and the Nuggets team, your family is gonna be tied up in a corner of your suite, and forced to eat fried chicken and watermelon. That type of torture, I’m sure, is ten times worst than water-boarding. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, how condescending is it for Cuban to “place whatever security is needed…” ? He wants to make certain that when they leave, everything that was there before they came, remains.

Kenyon told the media that he will, “take care” of the situation in this clip.  Awwww, shit. You better watch out, Marky-Mark. I think Kenyon should take him up on the offer of having his “family” join Mark’s in the suite. Instead of a wife, kids and Kenyon’s mom, though, his family will consist of five big black dudes, wearing du-rags with bulges beneath their extra long white t-shirts. That’ll teach him. 

Anyway what do you think Kenyon Martin should do to Cuban in retaliation? Leave it in the comments.

PEACE…

Saw the preview for the new comedy, Dance Flick and was totally turned off to yet another poorly produced, trying way  too hard, barely humorous spoof movie. Not Another Teen Movie, Date Movie, Meet the Spartans, among others, all fell short of infecting me with the funny bug. After further watching of the preview, I pissed my pants a little when one of the lead characters hung her baby up in her locker and said, “Mommy loves you Punkin.” Not Pumpkin, Punkin.. Late in the commercial I realized that it was written and directed by the Wayans Brothers, only the funniest show-biz family since the 80′s.  In Living Color was the best sketch comedy show, ever, and my siblings, cousin and I would reenact the skits every now and then. I would perfectly capture the essence of Fire Marshall Bill. Being a black male, that wasn’t, at all, a stretch. 

The Wayans’s record is impeccable. I’m Gonna Git You Sucka poked fun at all those blaxploitation movies of the 70′s, impeccably. “Good Lawd, that’s a lot of money.” A line from one of the many gut busting-ly funny scenes where a young Chris Rock, barters for one rib. Just one rib.

For those of you who didn’t know, the first two Scary Movies were written and directed by the Wayans. Out of the four in the series, the two they directed stood high above the rest. Anybody remember this? “Yo, that jacket is tight son. Now run that shit, Bitch.” Anna Faris should be an honorary member of the Wayans family. 

Now, with all this praise I’m doling out here, I must say that I hated the Wayans for a while, a few years back. I was forced to rethink my “blackness” when I sang A Thousand Miles, by Vanessa Carlton, for months on end after seeing White Chicks. You know what I’m talking about. “Making my way down town, and I’m walking fast, and faces pass, and I’m homebound.” DAMN you Wayans’s, DAMN you all. This was definitely my favorite non-spoof from the Wayans, though.

With their latest, Dance Flick, being directed by the next generation Wayans, Damien, who is the son of a lesser know Nadia Wayans, we are assured that we will have much more material from a highly talented family.

Alright guys and gals, that’s all I got for you for now. What was your favorite Wayans movie moment, character, or memory? Leave it in the comments.

“Make room for fanny. Fanny’s coming through…” — Hanson, played by Chris Elliot, Scary Movie 2

PEACE…

High Top fades and the Running Man….. Classic.

One of my favorites… KRS One, MC Lyte, Public Enemy (Before the bafoonery of Flavor Flav), Doug E. Fresh. Unfortunately, this kind of hip hop would NEVER get airplay nowadays, or even get put on the preverbal wax because this isn’t the message that the record companies want to put out there. Now dance craze songs like “Stanky Leg” or raps about how many people they’ve murdered or women they’ve screwed, “PRESS THOSE RIGHT UP.”  

Some of my most favorite rap artists are great story tellers. Biggie Smalls’ – I Got a Story to Tell, and Nas’ – Rewind, are two of my all time favorites. For an Old School story check out Slick Rick’s – Children’s Story. 

I know this isn’t the list of all lists, but just a few. What classic hip hop was your favorite? Leave it in the comments…

PEACE…